The Day Before My Flight (Round Two)

I made it through my first semester of medical school, living on an island and being 2100 miles away from home. The most I’ve ever been is 50 miles away for undergrad. I feel wildly accomplished and like an entire failure stimultaneously. The things I’ve overcome seem like small accomplishments in face of what I thought I could overcome. Homesickness hit me. Hard. I missed my friends but I didn’t really feel like I was missing out. I felt comfortable knowing I’m working for a greater good for myself and that once this phase of my life is over I can return to weekly dinners and hang outs.

It was how much I missed my family. When I lived in Manhattan for college, my sisters were a short train ride away. Technically, even though I was in my own world of college- I could always come home. Many people in my town even commute to the city on a daily basis for work. It’s manageable, at the end of the day. I had a safety net. This time I had no safety net. I wasn’t concerned about missing out on get togethers or holidays as much as I was missing the day to day routine of being home. Of knowing when my baby sister gets home from school and making plans with my younger sister on the weekends. Knowing we could catch up whenever we wanted in PERSON, not over a phone.

My baby sister starts high school in September and it’s wild to me that I’m in MEDICAL SCHOOL. I have a faint memory of when I was in 8th grade myself and I was telling Sana how when she would be in 8th grade I would be in 11th grade and Amna would be in 1st grade. Now Amna is in 8th grade and I have graduated high school, college… and in 2023 will have graduated medical school ??? Alhamdulilah for being so blessed that I even have the chance to do this. Alhamdulilah for loving my sisters so much that I miss them and hate being away from them. I really think that we’re all ultimately going to live near each other. Life just wouldn’t make sense any other way. There’s no reason for us to be apart. We can have our own homes and additional families but I’d very much like for us to live in a huge house with as many of our loved ones as possible.

Being homesick affected my performance first semester a lot. I thought I would be able to handle it better because I had lived away from home before but that ended up not being true for me. It was very different and I think it has a lot to do with how many responsibilities come with being the eldest. I haven’t really consecutively lived at home in 5 years now and it’s frustrating because there’s no place like home! I’m getting older and making my advancements but so are my parents. I wish I could just freeze time and do what I have to do without it affecting anyone else. I don’t want them to feel my absence anymore than I want to feel theirs. It kind of makes me want to have kids as early as possible. Emphasis on possible because I barely have enough energy to cook pasta every night after an entire day of studying.

Reading my old posts so far just remind me how short life is and I’m trying very, very hard to have an increasingly positive attitude this time around. The happier I am, the happier I can make others and the better everyone will be for it.